good things take time

so, we'r in the middle of a module process design. everything you do or say is subject of the module. that's weird. any topic of a lecture can instantly change into a meta discussion about what is happening now, how it came to be like this, how we feel and think about it etc.

this has been going on for two months now. strange months with hindsight. scattered lectures and assignments, scattered interest from me and my team and a lot of team building related processes.

now, after two months, do i first realize how the module would have been perfect for me. i would have loved to take a bit more time to think about where i am regarding process facilitation. 'what is it that i want to contribute this module?' and 'what is it that i want to learn this module?' could have been guiding questions in this.
from there I would have sought to set the frames for my 'own' exam. who do i want to be my jury? what is it that i want to challenge inside me? how can i have check ups on my progress on the way?

instead the school presented me with their frames, deadlines, requirements and expectations, before they asked me where my passion was. impressed by the thought-through presentation of what-to-do i didn't give it much thought if that was my way to go.

i now realize that it takes me this much time to realize the source of my negative feeling and lack of motivation since September. and that it's fine, that things always take time to crystallize, at least inside me. but that once i'm aware i can act again with passion and vision. that's where i am now. and i know i'm my own best jury.